Block #15: 242-272 (Entry 15)

I have had it with this ward. I am finally going to get my ass up out of here. After all the events that have taken place over the last two weeks, I don't believe I can take anymore! I don't even know where exactly I should start. Lets see, it wasn't long after we found out that the Chief could talk when McMurphy decided to have a little party at the ward. I was asleep during the festivities so all I know is what I was told the next day. It turns out that Mr.Turkle was ok with McMurphy bringing to whores into the ward, and was ok with the patients drinking. It appears they made a very big mess, and in the morning McMurphy was found in bed with this blonde whore named Sandy. When I woke up the other patients were trying to get McMurphy to escape before Nurse Ratched could get to him. When all the staff was in they went around looking for everyone. It seemed that Billy was nowhere to be found, and when he was, he was in the Seclusion room with a whore named Candy. When Nurse Ratched saw him all she could say was that she couldn't believe it, and that she would have to tell his mother. Well Billy couldn't handle it, and while he was waiting in her office he found something sharp and slit his throat. McMurphy knew Nurse Ratched was the one to cause Billy to kill himself so McMurphy attacked her and caused her breasts to be exposed. After that McMurphy was taken away from the ward for three weeks and Nurse Ratched also had to go to the hospital. When Nurse Ratched returned she couldn't talk and had to use a pad of paper and pen to communicate with us, but she doesn't have her power any more. She let us know though that McMurphy would be back. Well one day McMurphy was brought in on a gurney and on the clip board attitude to his gurney said he had, had and lobotomy. By the looks of it no one believed it was McMurphy, they all just thought it was a dummy, but I could tell it was him. Well the next morning when everyone had woken up, McMurphy was dead and Chief Bromden had escaped the ward. Ever since then, a few of the guys have checked themselves out of the ward, and I finally believe that my time has come. I am done not being able to live my life. I have witnessed such horrific events here, I never wish to return. I have overcome such great challenges that there is nothing in the world that can bring me down. I would say until next time, but I am glad to say that there will be no next time. I am going to leave this journal here n the ward, hidden somewhere, for some other lost soul to find, and to read. They too will then see that they should never give up hope. Wish me luck.

-Frankie

Block #14: 232-241 (Entry 14)

Last time I wrote in this journal I was talking about how the Chief and McMurphy were sent up to the disturbed ward. While they were gone Nurse Ratched called for a therapeutic group meeting, at which she wanted all the men to attend. During the meeting she told us about how that behavior that took place in the shower was unacceptable and there was no excuse. She let us know that McMurphy and the Chief would both be receiving shock therapy, to hopefully help settle them down. I for one think that is a wonderful idea. I mean look at me, I received shock therapy and have been the most normal in my life than I have ever been. I think it is in the best interest for the ward, to finally bring McMurphy down from his thrown. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #13: 219-231 (Entry 13)

It has been about two days since I have last written in my journal. Lately I was starting to worry about Nurse Ratched's ideas about McMurphy. See he actually got some more control and was able to convince the staff that the patients don't have to be together in the therapeutic meeting, after Billy Bibbit started talking about suicide, and McMurphy made a comment about how he feels he isn't need to sit in on other peoples needs. It is so disgusting too. McMurphy managed to get Dr. Spivey to subscribe to Playboy, Nugget, and Men. I can tell that Nurse Racthed is not happy with having to see naked women pined up all over the ward walls. Well when I started to begin thinking that Nurse Ratched would not have any control over McMurphy, she called for a group meeting, but with out him (on the account that he had a phone call). During in the meeting she talked to the other men, as well as myself, about how McMurphy has been making tons of money off of us and about wondering what is in it for him when he makes all these changes. I could tell all the men were starting to see it her way, and my way. Anyways, the next day McMurphy started placing more bets, trying to get money from the men, but they wouldn't go for it. Later on the night McMurphy and the other men who went on the fishing trip were required to take showers to remove any bugs on them. During the showers I could hear hollering and followed the rest of the men and staff to see what was going on. It turned out McMurphy and the Chief were fighting Williams and another black boy. The Chief and McMurphy were sent up to disturbed, finally where they belong. Well I don't know about the Chief, but I am glad to see that McMurphy has finally been sent somewhere where he can get some help. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #12: 191-218 (Entry 12)

Today was a relaxing day for myself at the ward. I didn't do much, just sat back and watched everyone else do as they please.It turns out that the Chief signed up to join the other guys on the fishing trip, which I think is odd on account that he can't hear nor speak. It was just something that seemed kinda weired, I'm not sure. anyway, that lady, who supposedly is his aunt came to the ward to pick up McMurphy and the other guys. Her name was Candy, she seemed kinda young to be his aunt. There was supposed to be another lady with her, but she didn't come so they had to find someone else to help chaperon the fishing trip, or else half the guys wouldn't have been allowed on the trip and McMurphy would have had enough money. turned out Dr. Spivey decided to join the guys on the trip. It is so un-doctor like for him to be joining a bunch of lunatics on a fishing trip. But who am I to judge him for his choices, I think even McMurphy is starting to get to him. After the other men left for the fishing trip, I decided to just do some relaxing. I joined Nurse Ratched in a therapeutic meeting, with just her and myself (on the account that the other men usually in the meeting were gone). She asked me to open up about things I have been thinking about. I talked to her about how I felt about McMurphy, and how I feel it would be the best for the ward if he was kicked out. She let me in on a little something. She told me that she had her own plans for McMurphy already underway and that I shouldn't worry about it. After the meeting she told me I can go do as I like becuase there was nothing to clean, and so I came in here and started writing. I am feeling a bit tired and I am going to go rest. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #11: 174-190 (Entry 11)

Well I knew it wouldn't be long until McMurphy started acting like his normal self again. He is up to his old antics and has even began a basketball team for the patients. They had practice this morning and by the looks of it, they seem to be enjoying themselves. One way I know for sure that McMurphy is back to his old self is that he broke the Nurse's window again. Nurse Ratched even had a white X painted across it so he would have no excuse to break it again but instead Scanlon bounced a basket ball and it hit the window and broke again. McMurphy has even decided to take some patients deep sea fishing with him and his aunts. Nurse Ratched actually approved of this but lately has been posting news articles on the bulletin board about ship wrecks, which is why I will not be going on the fishing trip. McMurphy has been talking patients into coming on the trip and has managed to get some to join him. He is just so crazy and out there, he is so not normal. I know what normal is, well at least now I do. I haven't always been normal, but ever since my shock therapy I have. You seen when I was twenty-three I was a mess. I use to drink, do drugs, and party none stop. There was this one night when I was at a party, I was in a stairwell with this girl. We were talking getting along nicely until this man walked into the stairwell, he began talking to us and I could tell he was eying the girl. I tried to put a stop to what he was doing and he ended up fighting me. I didn't get many throws in, and he ended up punching me down the stairwell and I hit me head so many times against the stairs that I passed out. I felt like I was blacked out but I could see that the man was doing something, I'm just not 100% sure. Anyway I woke up in the hospital and couldn't stop screaming, I could hear voices, it was like I was a new person. i came to this ward to be taken care of, and originally I was in disturbed, but after my shock therapy I recovered so well that I was sent down to this ward. Now I have been told I am so much better, that I can even go back to the outside world, but I'm scared and feel so much safer here, I don't think I will ever leave. Well it's getting late, I am off to bed. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #10: 157-173 (Entry 10)

Today seemed to be a normal day at the ward. This morning the patients and I all went ti the library to do some reading. It was relaxing and nice until Harding's wife came in to visit him. While she was visiting, Harding introduced her to McMurphy. She would not stop flirting with him, she was acting like such a whore. After she left Harding asked McMurphy what he thought off his wife, McMurphy ended up blowing up in his face. McMurphy just walked away from him and continued reading his comic. I have no idea what has been bugging him lately, he has been acting just so strange. After that I went in for my x-rays to make sure everything is going alright, while there I notice the shock shop, and it brought back some old memories. I can't recall everything that happened but all I can remember before my shock therapy treatment, is that I was always depressed, and sometimes would have screaming fits. Ever since my shock therapy everything has been normal. Later on in the day we had a group meeting at which Nurse Ratched had to give out a punishment for the behavior of the men for when they would not do their house duties and would watch the blank TV. She ended up making the punishment that the men could no longer use the tub room as a place to play games. NO one seemed to get upset, not even McMurphy, things are just so strange with him lately. Well it's getting late and I should be getting to bed now, the night watch man is coming to tie us down to out beds, and i should already be laying still. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #9: 145-156 (Entry 9)

I just wanted to get some time in before I went off to bed to write about how today and yesterday went. It all started at the group meeting this morning when all of the other patients began complainingly at all sorts of different things they don't like at the ward. Of course I didn't complain at all, I think this place is perfect! After the group meeting, the staff and black boys took us out to the swimming pool. Not many of the patients enjoy swimming in the pool on the fact that the fear of drowning. Not me though, I love the water, it is familiar and is comfortable for me. While at the pool I noticed McMurphy talking to one of the life guards, the one with the broken arm. It was unusual because usually the black boys will push us away from the side of the pool, and not allow us to talk to the life guards. After the pool we went inside, and the other patients began to complain about the cigarette situation. The patients are annoyed at the limit of one pack a day. I am actually okay with this rule because I for one think smoking is a bad habit. I started to notice that after going to the swimming pool, McMurphy began behaving well, it was so un-normal. Well the next day we all woke up and went to the pool again, the most horrible thing happened at the pool, it seems that Cheswick managed to get his chubby hands stuck in the grate at the bottom of the pool. I and many of the other men jumped in the pool to try and save him, but it was too late, he had drowned. It just wasn't a good day, after that Sefelt had a seizure from not taking his medication. After all of the commotion over the last two days, it seems that things in the ward are begging to get back to normal. I just hope things go back to how they were before McMurphy cam to the ward. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #8: 129-144 (Entry 8)

Well I'm just writing in here to update myself on the matters of today. So the staff had a meeting, I will admit I walked by a few times trying to hear what was going on, and the strangest thing was happening, Nurse Ratched didn't have much at all to say. It was just so not like her, so not normal. During the meeting though, the other patients just continued to stare at the god damned blank TV screen. I also thought I would mention that somehow, someway, Chief Broom must some how be able to hear. I didn't think about it at first, but otherwise how would he had known to vote to change the schedule and watch TV. I know it sounds crazy, but it is just so odd. Nurse Ratched thought it would be a good treatment to give McMurphy the duty of cleaning all the urinals in the mens bathroom. Turns out he doesn't much care for cleanliness, becuase they are still a mess. BUt over the last two days, when it's time for all of us to do our house duties, all of the other men just go and sit down by that damn TV and sit there with it off. I am the only patient that continues their house duties. It's the damn McMurphy who is bringing this ward down! If I had it my way, I would have sent him to disturbed a long time ago! But he will get whats coming to him soon. The other men just talk and tell stories, how can Nurse Ratched put up with it! Oh I almost forgot, last night i had the most pleasant dream. I was walking around the same old bright room, and this time there were beautiful butterflies and flowers, and every pleasant thing you could image. The ward was a wonderland of amazement. I am so glad I can call this place home. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #7: 116-128 (Entry 7)

Today has been one surprising day. It all started when I woke up for a dream, or maybe it was a nightmare. It all started with me walking through this heavy fog, then all the sudden I can hear someone screaming, but I can't tell if it is a man, or a woman, the scream was muffled. All of the sudden I am standing in front of a very large building made of cement. From out of nowhere I felt hands reach out and touch me. I run into the cement building, down a dark hallway, and up some stares. At the top of the stares there is a door, this door is big, bulky, and made of iron. I manage to open it and behind the door was a magnificent wonderland. I was walking through a very brightly lit room. When I woke up I thought about the dream and I believe the dream was about how comfortable the ward is. It is a safety zone, the outside world, which is dark and full of hate and evil, is a danger zone. I went through the rest of my day as I normally would, but you would not believe what happened during the group meeting. McMurphy had the nerve to bring up the vote about changing when we watch TV again. Nurse Ratched did not want to waste the time, but McMurphy insisted. So after the vote it turned out to be 20 votes against 20 votes, because Nurse Ratched said everyone must vote, even the people not aware. Well McMurphy was trying to get the older people to vote, but they just looked through him, but then the strangest thing happened. McMurphy managed to get Chief Broom to vote for it. It is strange because he can't hear, it makes me wonder..... but anyways Nurse Ratched didn't really care. When it came time the next day for the world series to come on, all the patients dropped what they were doing (it was house cleaning time) and sat in front of the TV. Nurse Ratched wouldn't turn on the TV, and the patients just continued to watch the blank screen. I was watching what was going on from afar. I thought it was a bit brave of the patients to go against Nurse Ratched's word. Nurse Ratched was infuriated, and could not believe what was going on, it was the first time ever that I have seen that side of her. I have never seen her so mad, but she never said anything and just went back to her office. I'm away from the game room right now (where the TV event occurred) but I think I can hear the staff heading to a staff meeting that Nurse Ratched called for earlier in the day. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #6: 92-115 (Entry 6)

I know it has been a few days since I have written here, but things have been a little calm and normal up until today, let me just start at the beginning. So this McMurphy fellow has began to act normal, with the exception of just trying to get a laugh out of the patients and he is finally realizing how fine and dandy this ward is. Well today was the start of a few of his shenanigans! First off he was trying to show off by telling me and the rest of the patients that he could take a piece of butter and hit it dead center on the face of the clock on the wall, well it turns out he hit it to far to the left, but the black boys didn't try to figure out who had thrown the butter, they just let it be. Then to make matters worse, McMurphy asked Nurse Ratched to turn the speakers down cause he is sick of hearing the same old songs and it is hard to concentrate on cards. Well Nurse Ratched explained to him that it is meant for the older patients cause their hard of hear. I could not believe he had the damn nerve to ask for the speakers to be lowered, who does he think he is! Well then he went and talked with Doctor Spivey and later on brought up what they talked about at the group meeting. It turns out that they both want a carnival thrown at the ward, cause apparently they both went to the same high school and it would be fun, but I know it won't happen, Nurse Ratched also knows it won't happen, it isn't normal for a mental ward to have a carnival, but I will admit we do have a few freaks on our hands. Another thing to just add to McMurphy making changes is that his and Doctor Spivey think it would be grand to have a second game room. They both agree the younger patients shouldn't have to sit through the same music everyday, turned up to load. So they got what they wanted and now there are two game rooms. But don't even get me started the worse has yet to come. McMurphy wants the schedule to be changed for tomorrow because the World Series is going to be televised and it is at a time in which we aren't allowed to watch TV. Well he tried to vote on it, but only him and two other people went for it. The worse of all his shenanigans would have to be him and the fellow patients planing a break out. They were talking about throwing different items out the window, McMurphy even tried to lift something far to heavy for him, but he couldn't. If it was me choice, he would be in the disturbed ward, but it isn't, and I don't want to upset Nurse Ratched by bringing this matter to her hands, she already has so much to do. I hope this McMurphy character straightens his act out! Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #5: 83-91 (Entry 5)

So today as I am walking to the shower I hear a sound I don't think I have heard live in a long long time. It seems that the new guy, McMurphy was singing in the shower. It is just such a strange thing cause that isn't how things go around here in the ward.Also to add on the the oddness McMurphy was very annoyed by the fact that he wanted to brush his teeth, but it is ward policy that you can't brush your teeth until 6:45, when the cabinets are open. Well just to seem like he didn't care, McMurphy stuck his toothpaste in the soup powder on f the black boys was caring and brushed his teeth with that. That was so repulsive and strange, something is up with this McMurphy fellow. To add to all the commotion, McMurphy was only in a towel and nothing else. Nurse Ratched would not stand for it and found out he didn't receive his green clothing for the day and once he received it, it turned out that he had shorts on underneath. But yes Nurse Ratched was still frustrated, but once all the patients got into the halls of the ward she put on a smile and went about her duties, like a normal person! I think today will end up going on as a normal day would. Lets hope things straighten up with this McMurphy guy, and he gets in sync with the rest of us. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #4: 70-82 (Entry 4)

I have never been a person who was fond of change, that it why I enjoy things staying the same. See in the ward we a set of music that is playing in the game room each and every day. It is the same set of songs over and over again, but I am okay with that, cause something that is the same is normal. I have noticed that some patients (in particularly McMurphy) are no longer enjoying the music. I think it is very kind of the workers, the doctors, and of course, Nurse Ratched to allow music to be played. On another note, another thing that I hope never changes is the red pills we receive each and every night. They allow us to sleep soundly through out the entire night. I have heard stories of patients skipping out on the red pills, and not being able to sleep at night and being fussy. Another thing is that each night when were sleeping soundly the black boys tie a sheet across us just to keep us snug. Some patients don't enjoy it, but I think it is for a good cause. I wouldn't want any of the really crazy people being able to get up at night. Some patients are actually able to get themselves lose, but I believe it is Mr. Turkle, the night worker, but I am not 100% sure so I don't want to accuse him, it isn't the normal thing to do. Some nights I don't always enjoy sleeping. I have dreams that confuse me and make me wonder. It always seems to be the same old dream. I am sitting in a stair well, I am sitting next to this girl and we are chatting then all the sudden from around the corner comes this bigger man. He begins to talk to us, but I can't really understand him. He goes on talking and begins patting me on the head. The girl is laughing but we both find something strange. The man goes on talking and we both get up and walk away but the man won't have it and grabs me by the arm. At that point I always wake up and I have no reason what the dream means, I have brought it up at group meetings in the past, but I always get the same response "it is nothing more than a dream." Nurse Ratched just tells me to ignore it, and now I don't even bother bringing it up anymore. Well it is time for me to go shower and brush my teeth so I must get running. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #3: 42-69 (Entry 3)

Seems that I just can't seem to get myself to sleep tonight. I figured instead of sitting in bed and letting my mind wander, I would come here and write in my journal, that way at least Nurse Ratched will be able to read what I've been thinking about. So I guess I last left off talking about how wonderful Nurse Ratched is, well it seems to me that not everyone might agree. See today we had a group meeting, where everyone talks about their problems, past, present, or just what they are thinking. Will since McMurphy is the new guy the meeting was mainly focused on him. After how the meetings were ran was explained to him he still didn't feel like they were right. See after the meeting, we were excused to go sit down and talk, or just sit down. Well Mr. McMurphy decided to sit down next to Mr. Harding and had a talk with him. I over heard that he was wondering why Nurse Ratched always asks questions at the group meetings, and why the patients feel obligated to answer. He went on to say that the patients should find away, or fallow him in brining her down. I noticed that Nurse Ratched was watching through the window, and I believe she might have some sort of an idea of what might be going on. Well McMurphy learned that if he is to much of a disturbance he will be sent up to the disturbance ward. There he could receive shock therapy. Someone who goes through shock therapy can be completely ruined, well i guess I am an exception. I went through shock therapy a few years ago and I can't recall much. Nurse Ratched has told me that the shock therapy did so much for me, now I have no more demons, and I am so close to being normal. But back to McMurphy, from what I could hear going on between him, and now a few more patients than just Harding was something to do with rabbits and wolfs. Not sure exactly what he was getting at, but all I know if he was wise he would stop what he was getting at. I believe that the other patients will know whats right and know Nurse Ratched only has the best intentions for us. Well now that I have cleared up my mind some what, I am going to try and get some rest, because normal people always get a good nights rest. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #2: 29-41 (Entry 2)

I just wanted to write a little in my journal before I was off to bed. Today was just a normal day in the ward. The day started off with everyone lining up in their perfect order, just like Nurse Ratched likes, and we get our daily shave. I like this because everyone looks clean and it makes everyone look more normal. By seven o'clock the mess hall opens up and everyone gets in line for our daily breakfast. I will admit for awhile when I first came to the ward the breakfast was disgusting, but after a few years everyone acquires a taste for the food. At seven thirty everyone is allowed to make puzzles and play card games. This is probably everyones favorite part of the day, but not mine. I would have to say my favorite part of the day would happen at eight o'clock when the Nurse Ratched will announce that it is medication time. This is my favorite part of the day because the medications that I take each day has brought me a long ways from where I use to be, or of what I can remember I use to be. It was very strange today, one of the patients, Mr. Taber decided to be Mr. Nosy and kept asking what type of medications he was being asked to take. if there is one thing Nurse Ratched won't stand for, I would have to say it would be someone being nosy and getting their business where it need not be. So Mr. Taber didn't get his medication, well at least not at that time of day. I do recall latter on hearing some struggling in the room where Mr. Taber was brought into by the black boys and Nurse Ratched. I am pretty sure he got his medication then. I almost forgot to tell you about the black boys. They are Nurse Ratched's assistance, all I really know is that they help her run this ward in tip top shape. Honestly with out a Nurse like Nurse Ratched at this ward nothing would get done, there would be no order and I would not be as healthy as I am. Until next time.

-Frankie

Block #1: 9-28 (Entry 1)

Hello, how are you? My name is Frankie and I am a Chronic at this ward. I have been here for awhile now, not sure how many year, everything is just kinda a blur now. All I can remember is yelling outside somewhere, passing out, and then waking up to bright fluorescent lights. Enough about me, let me take you on a tour of my, well what I should say is my home. Here I am surrounded by people who all seem to be much worse off than myself, for I have been here so long I have learned so much about how to be a better person, a normal person. One of my friends here is know as Billy Bibbit, he has a stuttering problem, but has far as how un-normal or weird he is, I am not sure. Though I can say he reminds me of a small child. Then there Cheswick, the one this I can say about this man is that he comes up with some crazy ideas. Then there is the Chief who know one really knows much about, all I can say is that he doesn't say much, he's dumb and deaf. Here at the ward we are allowed free time for a little bit each day, where we can play cards, put puzzles together, or just sit. The ward can seem like hell, especially for a new comer, but I have been here so long, I may be out any day now. I almost forgot to tell you about one of the most important people at the ward, Nurse Ratched. She is the one who keeps everything in tip top shape and perfect order. With out her help I would not be this good. She has taught me to be in order and to do as I'm told, to be normal. Like earlier today this new guy came into the ward, his name is like something McMurphy, not really sure. Well this guy seems like he might be some trouble, he seems like he wants to do his own thing. i think after a few days Nurse Ratched will have this guy on lock down and teach him a thing or two. Well I believe I am going to be on my way, Nurse Ratched says its not to god for us to think to hard, we need to stay focused on trying to be normal. Until next time.

-Frankie